Wow, My Date Sucked!


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You Can't Shoot A Harry Potter Death Curse Out Of Your Penis
by Kate D. (18, F, Newark, DE)

"One time I went to get ice cream with a guy who, for the purposes of this story, we'll call Joe. He and I met through a mutual friend and we had gone out a few times before. We were watching a movie at my house before we left and he started complaining on how he wanted a Kitchen Sink, which is a giant ice cream dish with 20 scoops of ice cream from a particular restaurant in town. So finally, he gets up, shuts off the movie, and says that we're going to go get a kitchen sink.

So he gets into the car and the restaurant with the Kitchen Sink is closed, so we go to Friendly's instead. Even though it was January, he was only wearing a thin sweatshirt, so when he got inside, I asked him why he didn't wear a jacket. In all seriousness, he replied that it was because he thought he was a vampire. He explained that somewhere down the line, one of his ancestors must have had sex with a vampire because he had sharp canine teeth, was never cold, and, I kid you not, sometimes sparkled.

A little while later, he asked what kind of superpower I wanted to have. I said to be able to control time, he said to be able to do magic. I asked if he meant like Harry Potter Magic, and he said yes, because he wanted to do Avada Kedavra out of his nipples or his penis or something.

Safe to say, when he dropped me off at home I was relieved. A few days later, he texted me, so to be polite I texted back. Then in the middle of the conversation, he wrote "Tai-Shar, American." So I asked him what that meant, and he replied that it meant something in a language made up in a book he read. Safe to say, I never called him again. Then randomly, out of the blue, he one day wrote on my Facebook wall "teeheeheeheehee." So I flat out asked what the hell he was trying to say, and he said "Aw, you don't like the way I say hello?"

Moral of the Story is if you ever go out with someone who thinks he's a vampire, texts in a language that makes Klingon look legit, and is convinced that he can eat 20 scoops of ice cream (which never ended up happening), then i would suggest that you run away as quickly as possible."