Wow, My Date Sucked!


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Trapped On a Boat With My Ex
by Melissa M. (25, F, California)

"J and I broke up at a tender time...for him. We were just short of one year of being together, and right around the corner from his birthday. We were still living together and still cordial although I had started goin on dinner dates with other people and he started not coming in at night.

A few months previous he put out some serious dough to plan some sort of magical surprise for our "anniversary". Even though we were broken up so there would be no "anniversary", he was so broken up about losing me he begged me to still go so we could at least celebrate our friendship on this day.

The big day has come and he won't tell me where we're going. I'm thinking we're going to a nice dinner or go-kart racing. I get in the truck and he starts driving and he hands me the brochure: we are going on a sunset cruise. Considering that we live in the desert, this is going to be a loooong drive. I start getting flashbacks of two weeks ago where we were going to have dinner one last time but instead of stopping at the restaurant he drove me to a field in the middle of nowhere with a lot of sheep and started crying and screaming at me. I hoped we were passed that little freak-out, but I couldn't help but wonder if he planning on pushing me off the boat or if he was subliminally suggesting I toss HIM?

It turns out we pull up to a nice big yacht with a loud blues band grooving away and we are the youngest people there by about 30 years. So I act as my good-natured self and we get our picture taken in front of this Blues and Booze cruise boat and he starts hitting the open bar. This is where the problems started: He NEVER drinks, and for a good reason. He has absolutely no control over himself.

I run around the boat alone, avoiding him by taking pictures of the sunset, taking bathroom breaks, and sending Twitter updates. J catches up with me and lures me to a quieter part of the boat and starts lecturing me and giving me some tragic monologue about his life and our relationship - this lasted exactly two hours and fifty minutes. His voice gets louder and louder as he attempts to talk me into giving him another chance (he already had 10 chances) and how he'll change and at this point I was just not having it.

He is being loud. Then he starts crying. People see. They stare. As the night progresses I get upwards of 20 text messages from random friends which makes him completely paranoid and angry. J decides its a good time to drunk text MY friend Erin (whose number he stole from my computer a few weeks previous after downing a few Klonopin and texting all my friends because I wasn't home that night), asking her where I am going later that night, since I refused to sleep at home on the weekends these days. On weekends I end up visiting friends which works quite nice, but still, it's NOT his business anymore!

My friend texts me telling me to ditch him since he's bordering on psycho. I'm on a boat. I can't. Then the band stops and as desert is served they start announcing all the birthdays that are on the dinner cruise. I read through my texts to decide whose bed I'm sleeping in tonight. Then they announce "anniversaries". They announce ours. Even though we are not married and we are not even dating! WE ARE BROKEN UP! Can I please die now?

I plan the rest of my night, amazingly safely make it home with my tipsy-driving ex, shower, pack, and bail to a friend's house at 1:30am. I can still feel the shiver of relief of getting in my car and driving far, far away after The Boat Fiasco."