Wow, My Date Sucked!


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The MySpace Camera Angles
by Jordan G. (18, M, Flushing, Michigan)

"First off this may paint me shallow, but a story's a story.

Back when MySpace was, what seemed like, a free brothel, I used the service often -- to meet girls. The avenue was just so much easier then actually mustering up the nerves to ask a girl out -- hell, you could just send them a message with the words "I hate you and hope you die" as the subject, block them and never hear from them again. This was not the typical case in the pre-Internet dating scene.

I had been talking to this girl for awhile, via AIM and MySpace, when I finally decided it was time to meet her. Her pictures were gorgeous, and her name, well for the sake of anonymity, we'll just call her M.

The day that I decided to meet M happened to be the same day a blizzard struck. Now the roads weren't in terrible shape, but I did have to stop and get gas for my '92 Cavalier Sport, with a teal body. As i pulled up the gas pump trying to maneuver between large flakes of snow i heard a very loud crunch. The door of my car smashed into one of the poles outside the pump, and was now completely bent inward. Nothing could ruin my night though, I was finally going to meet M.

Mapquest was very new at the time of this date, so new that when it instructed me to turn left, which i did, it actually meant right. After driving through a snowstorm, down a dirt road for more then a half hour, I decided it was time to call M. M told me to turn around and quickly guided me to her place of residence.

As I pulled in to her driveway, I realized I didn't want to block the other cars so I pulled to the side. My car started to decline to the left and I found myself in a 4-foot ditch. Aside from this mishap, butterflies started to beat in my stomach and I quickly blew my breath into my palms for a quick check.

As M walked out, I realized she suffered from the angles. The MySpace angles. Now, if you're unfamiliar with the MySpace angles allow me. The angles allowed heavier girls to portray themselves as skinnier girls through the usage of clever camera tricks, angled shots, and Photoshop. I was duped, but not only that... I was stuck.

I had to fake nice, and we spent the entire hour waiting for her friend with a truck and rope to arrive to pull my car out of the ditch. That hour was awful, mostly because she thought I was interested, and I had to pretend like I was.

Her friend arrived and hooked the rope up to my car -- I got in and waited to be pulled out. As he pulled my car out onto the road, I got this brilliant idea. I would just start it up, and drive away putting this awful night behind me. And that's what I did. M called me over and over, texted me over and over, but much like the avenue I used to meet her, I just blocked all communication."