 |
 |
|
|
|
+ +
Real dates. Real disasters. |
|
|
|
|
The Adult-Braces Art-Molester by Sercat V. (27, F, Scottsdale, AZ) "I’m 28, single and a workaholic so I finally bit the bullet and decided to try online dating the summer of 2009. Worst mistake ever. The guy looked good on paper, 27 year old local boy in law school and after a few emails we decided to meet up for a casual date. He suggested the Art Walk that takes place every Thursday in Scottsdale and sometimes is a fun event but 80% of the time it is not. I’d been on it a couple times previous and like it sounds, you walk around to different art galleries that stay open until 9 PM and check out the art. We decided to meet and walk over to the designated walk area. Right away I notice something I DID NOT sign up for. Adult Braces. Ok ok my teeth are not perfect and I could use the assistance of braces myself but come on, I didn’t sign up for this. Immediately things start off bad as he starts making rude comments about where I grew up. I am from Iowa, not exactly the land of cool but asking me if I wore “jorts” (cut off jean shorts) to my prom instead of a dress or if I had ever gone on a date with my cousin are not good ways to get a girl to like you. Right now we are one of 6 people on the Art Walk and most of the galleries are closed but he doesn’t see this as a problem and we keep walking along. We go from gallery to gallery and in every one he keeps touching the artwork! I’m not talking about a bronze statue or a photograph, I mean $25,000 oil paintings he just walks up and starts running his fingers over. I am mortified to be with him at this point and even suggest “stepping back” to admire the paintings from farther away to keep him from ruining something I couldn’t begin to afford. Accompanied with each of his art molesting were loud comments of “Wow I would never pay that much money for something that looks like crap.” People are starring. An hour into our date, we discuss getting a drink or maybe something to eat since it is around 8 PM. He says he isn’t hungry but could go for “a slice” of pizza. You will understand the mocking air quotes in a bit. I had not eaten dinner yet and was pretty hungry so suggested a near by Italian place. We determine we will share a pizza and since he’s never been to this restaurant before he asks me what is good pizza wise. I recommend 4 different ones that are flavorful but not too adventurous. He ignores all of my suggestions and pizza explanations and orders a Margarita pizza. Basically a cheese pizza and one I didn’t even mention because it is so lame. We talk while we wait for the pizza and the topic turns to me and my family back in Iowa. Even though I am 1500 miles away, I am still very close to my family and talk to them every day. We talk for a bit more about family and this topic seems to be going well until he states my parents were probably brother and sister before they got married since all people from the Midwest are inbred hicks. Before I can walk away from the table in disgust the pizza arrives. Trying not to be a hog I take two of the eight pieces of pizza and he does the same. I am a slow eater and this pizza just came out of a 500-degree oven but he inhales his two pieces and goes for two more, inhales those two pieces and then goes for the last two. Thinking he will at least leave one of the last two for me or at least ask of I wanted the pieces since he had already eaten ˝ of the pizza I didn’t stop him. He grabs the last two and takes a bite of them before I can even open my mouth. Still pretty hungry and tired of his ignorance I decide to finish my only speck of joy this evening, my glass of wine. He continues to talk about studying to be a lawyer and how great he is going to be. Then he talks about his band, how he likes to sing karaoke and how amazing of a performer he is. I come up from my glass of wine and mention that I was a music performance major in college before I switched to Mass Communication. He tells me I would probably love to listen to him sing then. I try not to spit my wine across the table. By this time it is 8:45 and I have pretty much checked out of this date. He’s still talking about himself but all of a sudden says “are you going to finish your wine anytime soon because I have some home work to get done for law school tomorrow.” Completely fed up I down the 1/2 glass I have left and get ready to leave. We walk back to our cars with more rude comments about where I grew up and me just wanting this to be over. He must have thought we were having an amazing date because me trying to be nice saying it was nice to meet you and go for the very obvious half hug was ignored. He proceeds to grab me and shove his tongue into my mouth and mortified all I can think about are his adult braces. A few days later he calls and leaves me a voice mail about coming to listen to him sing karaoke with his friends. I don’t return his call and he doesn’t get the hint and calls again and texts. He must have been pretty miffed about me not wanting a 2nd date because a week later I noticed he had de-friended me on facebook and deleted me off G-Chat. The only glimmer of hope from the date was one of the galleries had a hairless cat that I got to touch. How cool is that?"
blog comments powered by Disqus
|
|
|
|
|
